My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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