I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
