I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
