she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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