DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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