that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
