Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
