I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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