I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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