walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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