I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
