Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
True college students do jello shots in the library
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
