If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
