I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize