Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
