In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
