it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
