And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
