Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you never un-have a 4some
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
