I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
