I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am midnight drunk by noon
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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