i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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