he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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