wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
