Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
