Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
