you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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