nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
