$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
