I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
