My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
