He is such a slut. More and more my type.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
