wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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