I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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