I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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