and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
