You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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