Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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