Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
