i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
