lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
