The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
