I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Randomize
