do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
