saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
