what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
