I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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