im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I understand Curling. That high.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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