its not stalking. its research.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
