I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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