hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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