i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
