toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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