I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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