dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
