so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How external is "for external use only"?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
