happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
