so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
