ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
