Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
