i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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