Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
