OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
