Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
