I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
