I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
one two three fourrrrnication!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
